Tuesday, June 2, 2015

A cloudy day

I really really love living near the waves. It has brought me so much joy amidst the struggles I am dealing with. 
It seems like every single aspect of my life is being controlled by my chronic conditions. I feel like I'm trying to climb out of a sand bucket and the crabs keep pulling me down. Limited food, can't be outside almost everywhere, can't touch certain things, cant breathe certain things, can't use certain things. Clean mouth, clean hands before touching mom or giving kisses.   It all seems like so much overload, that some days I feel like I'm in some kind of dream land, where my life isn't real anymore.

And then I paint. And for a minute or two life feels ok. (Until I come home and my lungs are stiff and flared and I have hives down my arms from the paints)
*even with gloves and a mask on

I know there's a plan in all this, and someday I'll know what the heck this was for.  Obviously it's to learn some things. 

I'm connected with some people going through similar situations.  I feel heartbroken that I never recognized all the people out their hurting before I became ill.  I was too busy worrying about my "normal" life and "normal" problems to bother with anyone else's. Yet now I have extreme problems and amazingly have so much more time to console, comfort and pray for other people's problems. It wasn't my time that changed, it was my priorities.

One of the lovely women I'm connected to, posted a page online from a book she's reading (I don't know the name of it)

 "Trust me in times of confusion- When things don't make sense and nothing you do seems to help. This type of trust delights me, because I know it is real. Invite me to enter into your struggles- to be ever so close to you. Though other people may not really understand what you're going through, I understand perfectly. Find comfort in knowing you're not alone in your struggles. I am with you, watching over you continually.
Long-term trials can drain you of energy and hope, making it hard for you to keep trusting me. But I have given you a wonderful Helper, the Holy Spirit, who never runs out of strength. You can ask for his help, praying: "I trust you, Jesus; help me, Holy Spirit." Instead of trying to resolve all your problems, simply rest in my presence. Trust that there is a way forward, even though you can't yet see it. I am providing a good way for you, though it is bumpy at times. When the road is rough, cling all the more tightly to me. As your soul clings to me, my right hand upholds you."