Thursday, January 1, 2015


Tonight as my husband fixed us all a large pot of gf spaghetti, I had a talk with him which honestly is a reoccurring topic in our house.

"Hun, if I do this and this and this, do you think God will heal me? Or do you think I'm not healed yet because I haven't done this and this and this yet?" Or "do you think he WILL heal me?"

 Honestly I really know the answer, but I constantly need reassurance.

I learned a while ago through a lot of lessons and learning, that I can have all the faith I muster but it's not going to heal me if it's not Gods timing.   He's still trying to mold me.

I could relate that to art, I'm not going to stop in mid track of a painting and call it finished if it's not. 

Sometimes hurt and pain makes waiting seem impossible at times. Which is why I constantly need assurance that waiting might be just what I need to do and that I am good enough in Gods eyes. 
He sees me in perfect form. He sees the current me and the me before this earth life. He also sees the beautiful potential I have to become AMAZING through his light. He knows that having a perfect life on earth is not the goal here. He wants us to become our full potential. And we all have our beautiful full potential waiting for us to arrive at (our future selves).

I don't really question anymore why bad things happen to good people, or why bad things just happen in general. Because I believe there's a purpose in all of it. And it's for our learning. 

Because life really is just a test, not a permanent living space.